Documentary, my dear...

I've been watching a lot of documentaries lately. There's something fascinating about a director that can find and extrapolate the story out of the lives of real people. A good documentary can be just as funny, intense, scary, and thought provoking as any carefully scripted piece of fiction. The following is a brief examination of my five recent favorite documentaries.

OVERNIGHT
Many of you are probably familiar with the movie The Boondock Saints, and your interest in seeing this documentary may depend on how you feel about that movie. If you think it's an amazing film, then this documentary may not be for you. Overnight is the stark and vivid story of a man's hubris completely destroying everything he worked for. Troy Duffy is a man who has no lacking in the confidence department. But his never ending faith in himself is completely dwarfed by his sheer paranoid, entitlement attitude. This movie documents the entire course of the filming of The Boondock Saints and in doing so charts Duffy's rise and fall. The man blacklists himself from Hollywood, shatters friendships, and is seemingly ignorant of all the reasons why and how it happened.

THE CALL OF THE WILD
Filmmaker Ron Lamothe goes on a journey following the path taken by the now famous Christopher McCandless. This film both compliments and supplants Sean Penn's biopic about McCandless, Into the Wild, by stripping out the sensationalism, melodrama, and fictionalized facts in favor of taking an existential look at McCandless and, in doing so, an existential look at himself. Lamothe narrates his journey, pontificating about what sends young men out into the world and recalling his own travels to Africa when he was young. Along the way, he visits the same sites and people that McCandless visited, as well as coming into conflict with the production of Into the Wild (the two films were being made at the same time). This is a good film that is less an informative story about McCandless and more a story about the celebration of spirit of freedom. Surprisingly, this film uncovers new truths to the story that Into the Wild had mistaken, ignored, and flat out got wrong. You can find out more about this film at Terra Incognita films' website.

THE KING OF KONG
I'm sure a lot of people have heard about this film, and it's definitely worth seeking out. This is the original story of the underdog. Director Seth Gordon immerses us in the world of classic arcade games as we follow Steve Wiebe and the various trials and obstacles he faces, both in and out of the game, on his quest to hold the world record at playing Donkey Kong. Rivalries, betrayal, lies, double dealing, this film has it all. It's so elegant and easy to watch, you really get drawn into it.




GRIZZLY MAN
This is another high profile documentary, which should come as no surprise as it's made by master filmmaker Werner Herzog. In this movie, Herzog examines the life and death of Timothy Treadwell, the man who famously lived with, protected, and educated people about the grizzly bears in Alaska. Though it contains some beautiful wildlife footage shot by Treadwell, this film is not about bears. Nor is it an exploitation of his death. Rather, this film is about people and how we perceive and fit in with the society around us. Treadwell was troubled, that comes across clearly in the film, and the death of he and his girlfriend is incredibly tragic. Herzog doesn't spend much time debating about how right or wrong Treadwell was in doing what he did, instead he examines Treadwell's persona and ultimate motivations.

DEAR ZACHARY: A LETTER TO A SON ABOUT HIS FATHER
This is easily the most devastatingly sad and unbelievable story you've ever heard. Filmmaker Kurt Kuenne begins by making a film celebrating the life of his good friend, Andrew Bagby, soon after he was murdered by his ex-girlfriend, Shirley Jane Turner. But the documentary repeatedly shifts gears as new information is continuously revealed. Turner flees to her home country of Canada, where Bagby's family desperately await the extradition trial so that America can put her on trial for murder. It is soon revealed that she is pregnant with the deceased Andrew's child, and the story only gets more stressful and emotional from there. This film is an editing masterpiece and moves at a breakneck pace, relentlessly testing your patience and faith in humanity. This is a film about good and evil. It is truly fantastic in that it is both a celebration of the heights of nobility and selflessness humanity is capable of and also a lamentation of the depths of depravity to which we can succumb.

Top Ten Episodes of G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero - Number 01

"There's No Place Like Springfield"

Written by Steve Gerber

I've talked a lot about what makes a great episode of G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero. A cursory glance over the last nine episodes indicates that writers who work creatively within their restrictions, focus on a strong character with fun voice acting and iconic imagery, and still hit all the basic story beats will deliver a winning story. You need look no further than my number one favorite episode, There's No Place Like Springfield.

This episode was written by the legendary Steve Gerber, a veteran of comics and cartoons alike, and is easily the most mature and intense episode of G.I. Joe ever produced. It stars one of the most popular Joes, Shipwreck, as he is tortured by Cobra to gain the secrets locked inside his head.

This two part episode starts with immediate action. Shipwreck and Lady Jaye sneak onto Cobra Island to rescue Professor Mulaney, a scientist that Cobra captured. The search doesn't last long, they instantaneously stumble upon the disheveled and eccentric professor. Mulaney reveals that he perfected a formula that would turn water into a volatile explosive. Naturally, he didn't want Cobra to have such a dangerous weapon and was trying to escape. Worried that he won't survive, Mulaney uses a device to implant the final ingredient to the formula deep into Shipwreck's subconscious. Upon hearing the secret code word, Shipwreck will recite the formula. Mulaney only has a chance to whisper the secret word to Lady Jaye before Cobra finds them and they are forced to retreat to their S.H.A.R.K. under the fire of Cobra Firebats.

Mulaney is lost in a barrage of explosions, Shipwreck and Lady Jaye are forced to leave, hoping to come back for Mulaney. The action continues as Jay and Shipwreck manage to fly the S.HA.R.K. back to the USS Flagg, but before they can safely land, they are shot down by a squadron of Cobra Rattlers. Gerber sneaks a clever joke into the middle of the drama, as Shipwreck finds himself drowning in the sinking S.H.A.R.K. he screams, "C'mon you hunk of substandard plastic, open up!" Before he can be rescued, Shipwreck blacks out.

When Shipwreck awakens, he finds himself in the Springfield Medical Center, his hair is grey and it has been six years since the battle at the USS Flagg. He receives another shock when his wife Mara, his unrequited love from the episode Memories of Mara, walks into the room with their daughter. Apparently Shipwreck fell off his room and got a nasty bump on his head because he doesn't remember any of this.

Mara takes Shipwreck home and he tries to regain his memory and readjust to his new strange life. He learns about how Cobra was defeated and the Joes disbanded. He receives love and support from his family, but everything is eerily uncomfortable. He keeps having black outs and nightmares about Cobra Commander screaming at him. He meets a lot of retired Joes, except for Lady Jaye, who died when the USS Flagg was sunk.

Slowly, Shipwreck begins losing his mind. He stumbles across Roadblock and tries to talk to him, but Roadblockjust starts rambling nonsense while his face melts. At this point, Shipwreck has a good old fashioned freak out and passes out. When he awakens he's in a jail cell. The first part of the episode ends with Shipwreck being confronted by his fellow Joes Scarlett, Flint, Torpedo, and Deep Six. They attack him, demanding Mulaney's secret. As his former friends repeatedly fight him, they also begin melting eventually forming a giant blob that completely swallows him.

Shipwreck wakes up in the park, convinced that he's lost his mind. He readmits himself to the hospital, where he hopes Doc can cure him of his insanity. As the episode progresses, we learn that the entire town is indeed a secret Cobra facility designed to drive Shipwreck mad. All the people, the Joes, and even Mara and his daughter, are synthoids (synthetic androids) programed to torture Shipwreck. In the hospital, Cobra inflict psychological torture programs on Shipwreck like something out of The Men Who Stare At Goats.

Shipwreck eventually grows wise to true nature of his surroundings when he sees that his hair has been dyed grey. His trusty parrot, Polly, shows up and kills the imposter bird. The real Polly helps Shipwreck realize the whole town is a ruse, he drugs his nurse and fights his way out of the hospital, eventually stumbling on a laboratory where Cobra is trying to recreate the formula. Somehow Polly knows the secret code word and recites it. With the final ingredient to the formula, Shipwreck whips up a batch of the formula and pours it down the drain. Unfortunately, the formula needs to be ignited by an explosion. Fortunately though, Cobra soldiers are both stupid and terrible shots. They open fire on Shipwreck, miss him, and hit the sink, causing the entire plumbing and sewer system of the town to blow up and catch fire.

Shipwreck makes his way back to his false home and finds Mara and his daughter, they try to kill him amongst the burning flames, but he is saved by his bird. Attracted by the explosions, the real Joes show up and take the remaining Cobra soldiers into custody. The episode ends with Shipwreck watching his dream life burn to the ground.

Wow, what an episode. Needless to say, the two parts are jam packed with content, too much for me to even repeat in detail. It's suspenseful, action packed, genuinely creepy, and more intelligent than the average cartoon at the time. There's an entire subplot about the synthoids fighting their programming and becoming sentient which I would have loved to see more of. This is what you hire professionals for. This episode alone, is what makes G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero stand head and shoulders above every other cartoon from it's time period. It truly was the best.

Blog-A-Song 09

Look At How Cute You Are

Is it about a woman? Is it about a cat? It's strangely appropriate for either.



Lyrics

Look at how cute you are
do you even know it
I bet you don't even know it

when you walk into the room
all eyes are on you
but you just try to hide

i really hate you sometimes
do you even know it
i bet you don't even know it

when you ignore me
can't you see
you're driving me mad

can't stand the way you whine
do you even know it
i bet you don't even know it

when i talk to you
am i getting through
you just stare at me

look at how cute you are
do you even know it
i bet you don't even know it

but you run from me
everytime it seems
i want to get close to you

Top Ten Episodes of G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero - Number 02

Lasers in the Night

Written by Marv Wolfman

A lot of legendary cartoon and comic book writers have worked on G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero, and it doesn't get much more "legendary" than Mighty Marv Wolfman. Comic book aficionados will recognize Wolfman's name immediately. He has written countless books for both Marvel and DC, notably Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Lasers in the Night is one of the most tightly packed episodes of the whole series. The episode focuses on Quick Kick, the Joe's resident martial arts expert. At a public exhibition, he meets Amber, a young, beautiful, idealistic college student. They start up a serious relationship. Amber frequently pressures Quick Kick to let her join G.I. Joe, but he tries to convince her it's not as glamorous as she thinks it is.

Meanwhile, while Quick Kick and Amber go to ballets and baseball games, Cobra Commander is planning a secret attack. He sends troops to a Joe base, looking for the guidance coordinates system for their giant laser. Cobra burns down the base but they don't find the coordinates. Unfortunately, Lady Jaye is injured in the attack.

Back at Joe headquarters, Duke is concerned because Gung Ho hasn't reported in during his current mission and is presumed captured or missing. Their meeting is interrupted, however, by Amber. She sneaked into the base in an attempt to show how capable she is of being a Joe. Duke brushes her off and tries to go back to the more important matters.

During all of the mischief at the Joe base, a Cobra spy was able to steal their defense codes, allowing Cobra to disable the Joes and steal the guidance coordinates codes. Amber, worried that the Joes think she is the spy, tries to break into the Cobra base and stop them herself. She is immediately captured and thrown into Cobra's dungeon where she meets Gung Ho and...Lady Jaye! As it turns out, the Baroness knocked out Lady Jaye and took her place at the Joe base, allowing her to steal their codes.

Quick Kick singlehandedly breaks into the Cobra base to rescue her, but ends up being rescued himself after Amber breaks herself, Gung Ho, and Lady Jaye out of the dungeon. Then it is revealed what Cobra Commander's evil plot was. He wanted to steal the laser guidance system codes so that he could carve the image of his face into the moon. But the Joes stop him and Amber decides that she needs to finish college before she goes in for any more excitement.

There's a simplicity to the structure of this episode. It is deftly paced, every scene furthers the plot and increases the suspense, building up to the dramatic and exciting conclusion. The fact that Cobra Commander's secret plan is merely, as Destro angrily calls it, "cosmic grafitti" is just hilarious. The whole episode has a straightforward but somewhat lighthearted dramatic tone, what with it's focus on Quick Kick and Amber's relationship. Since there's no sense of slapstick comedy set up throughout the whole episode, the punchline of Cobra Commander's stupid plan is much more powerful.

The main star of this episode, of course, is Quick Kick. This is his big solo episode, and the writers waste no time developing his character and giving him room to breathe. Wolfman gave Quick Kick a great character quirk, which is that he is a huge movie buff, and frequently quotes and name drops classic film actors. It's fun and we get to see him do silly impersonations of Humphrey Bogart, Jimmy Stewart, and even Steve Martin.

And although much of the episode is played out like a romantic dramedy, there's still plenty of spy action, laser shoot outs, and kung fu fighting. Lasers in the Night is an episode where everything from the writing, animation, voice acting, and direction just comes together perfectly. There's not a single flaw in it.

Blog-A-Song 08

Successful People

I've been playing a lot of other people's music lately, which partially inspired this song. The rest of the inspiration comes from the soul crushing depression and jealousy that comes from seeing other people succeed.



Lyrics:

successful people have great hair
successful people wear silk underwear
successful people have nice teeth
successful people don't eat beef

successful people have lots of money
successful people have personality
successful people have lots of time
successful people know how to rhyme

look at all the regular people
going to their regular jobs
they've given up on their dreams
and still they seem
happy

successful people drive fast cars
successful people drink in martini bars
successful people wear dress shirts
successful people never have their feelings hurt

look at all the regular people
going to their regular jobs
they've given up on their dreams
and still they seem
happy

successful people are arrogant
successful people have no talent
successful people have lots of luck
successful people, go take a flying...

duck


In case you are wondering, the chorus to this song is lifted directly from the greatest animated show that never got a chance.

Top Ten Episodes of G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero - Number 03

"The Traitor"

Written by Buzz Dixon

Buzz Dixon wrote a slew of great G.I. Joe episodes, including the movie, but The Traitor is easily the best story he delivered. Split into two parts, The Traitor tells the story of Dusty betraying the Joes and joining Cobra. It's a compelling episode full of intrigue, action, and comas!

The story begins in a ship docking harbor, where Cobra attempts to steal a chemical that can be used in a "mind control" formula. Unfortunately for Cobra, G.I. Joe has some kind of new chemical that, when sprayed onto their vehicles, makes them completely invulnerable. Cobra is successfully repelled and are seemingly helpless against the Joe's new technology.

Dusty takes this opportunity to make use of his leave time and goes to visit his sick, invalid mother. Sadly, Dusty's mother can't afford the special treatment she needs and already owes money to the bank. Cobra takes advantage of Dusty's situation and offers to pay his mother's medical bills in exchange for the armor chemical formula.

Two of my favorite Cobra villains, Xamot and Tomax meet Dusty at a cowboy bar and try to make the deal. Xamot and Tomax were some goofy, but visually interesting characters. They are weird, European, arrogant, acrobatic twins. Specifically, they are mirrored identical twins who share an empathic connection. They always finish each others sentences and feel each others pain. This actually makes them pretty lousy soldiers because this connection is constantly shown in every fight they get into. You punch one of them and they both fall over. Still, they are fun characters.

Desperate to take care of his mother, Dusty starts giving Cobra top secret information. Suspicious that Dusty is a traitor, Duke sets a trap to flush him out; but an unexpected explosion puts Duke into a coma. Dusty gets captured by the Joes and court marshaled. Having no where else to go, Dusty joins Cobra. Now a member of Cobra, Dusty gives them the armor formula and leads a number of missions to get the rest of the chemicals for their "mind control" formula. Eventually, Cobra gets all the ingredients and captures a bunch of Joes in the process. But just before Dusty is forced to gas the Joe prisoners with the "mind control" formula, he gases the Cobra soldiers and frees the Joes.

The Joes get out and storm the base, then to their surprise, all of Cobra's equipment starts deteriorating. As it turns out, Dusty was a triple agent, working for Duke. Duke knew that their armor formula was unstable and, although at first making an object invincible, eventually caused it to deteriorate at a molecular level. Duke wanted Cobra to destroy all their equipment. Dusty's name is cleared and all's well that ends well.

Like all the two part episodes, there's a lot going on. The extra space allows the action to breathe and lets various other characters have a moment without feeling cramped or rushed. Although the action and intrigue is very straightforward, it's handled very well and focuses on broad concepts such as morality and loyalty. Despite being an alleged traitor and having all his friends turn on him, Dusty sticks to the mission and tries not to hurt anyone. When Shipwreck attacks him in an angry rage, Dusty spars with him then saves him from a burning building. When Cobra Commander forces Dusty to fight for dominance in a pool of piranhas with "rocket nunchukus", he saves his opponent from being eaten alive. Dusty's a good guy.

The animation is pretty top notch in this episode, too, with one glaring exception. The nature of animation means that all characters are drawn from model, including background characters. In the case of the Cobra Troopers, they all look the same because they're all based off the same model. In this episode, there's a new Cobra Trooper that is given a face, Lieutenant Claymore. The animators took this opportunity to give the show some diversity and made him a black man. Unfortunately, there were numerous animation gaffes where the character was constantly switching skin color. G.I. Joe had consistent animation errors and coloring was the most common one, it's just unfortunately obvious in this case.

Comics Review: Paying For It

Paying For It is the autobiographical memoir of author Chester Brown detailing his experiences soliciting prostitutes. Brown has a lot to say about to about the nature of monogamous love and his interpretation of it. He writes about his conflicting needs for sexual gratification and physical intimacy with his desire to not have a girlfriend.

If half of this book is philosophizing about the origins of the idea of Romantic Love, then the second half is Brown's argument for the decriminalization of prostitution. He argues passionately for the plight of sex workers and goes into great detail about the difference between legislation and decriminalization.

This extremely personal work is written and drawn with a deep passion for both the subject matter and the people in it. Although there's a detached formality to the narrative, Brown is also unconsciously emotional about the women with which he's had relations, without the slightest amount of eroticism.

This is a very personal and intelligent approach to an extremely taboo, but no less important subject.

Blog-A-Song 07

Play With Fire by The Rolling Stones

Sometimes I really hate the Rolling Stones. Sometimes I really love them. This is a song that I love.



Lyrics

Well you got your diamonds
and you got your pretty clothes
and the chauffeur drives your car
you let everybody know

Don't play with me cause you're playing with fire

Your mother, she's an heiress
she owns a block in St. John's wood
and you're father'd be there with her
if only he could

Don't play with me cause you're playing with fire

your old man took her diamonds
and tiaras by the score
now she gets her kicks in Stepney
not in Knight's Bridge anymore

Don't play with me cause you're playing with fire

Now you got some diamonds
and you will add some others
but you better watch your step girl
or start living with your mother

Don't play with me cause you're playing with fire
Don't play with me cause you're playing with fire

Top Ten Episodes of G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero - Number 04

"Hearts and Cannons"
Written by Alfered A. Pegal and Larry Houston

I think one of the strongest elements of the G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero concept is the distillation of cliches and stereotypes into well rounded characters. The characters are pastiches of America. Sometimes it's a little heavy handed, and a few times it's embarrassingly tacky, but most of the time the Joes are representative of the different types of people that make up America. And America has, if nothing else, lots of different types of people in it.

That brings us to Footloose. I was never a big fan of Footloose, I never had his toy, and he wasn't in many episodes. It's not hard to see why, most of the time he came off as a single joke character, and the joke is pretty thin. He was a pretty straightforward pastiche of hippies. He was kind of detached from reality in a zen sort of way and said "like" a lot, heck, even his helmet is covered with "leaves". The problem with Footloose was that he felt like he was being written by people who didn't actually know any hippies, but saw them on TV once. I don't know if the writers didn't know what to do with that type of character or if they just didn't want to go there in the first place, but Footloose didn't see a lot of action in the cartoon series. But when he did, he called everybody "man" and said "far out" a lot.

Hearts and Cannons is one of the better episodes that he stars in. In this episode, he is partnered with Dusty. Footloose is an existential free thinker and Dusty is just a rugged, good ol' country boy. They work really well together. Although they have opposing competitive styles, it never devolves into Odd Couple style arguing and bickering. They come across more as two guys from different lifestyles who have bonded to become friends.

At the beginning of the episode we find out that Cobra is attacking unnamed villages in an unnamed Middle Eastern country. They have kidnapped a scientist, Dr. Winters, and are forcing her to create a prototype plasma cannon tank. The Joes are flying over the area looking for the secret facility. After their plane is struck by lightning, they are forced to jettison the cargo and supplies, including the Mauler tank. But that wasn't enough to lighten the load, so Footloose and Dusty are forced to parachute out as well. After spending the night in the desert, they find Destro's secret weapons testing compound, sneak inside, rescue the scientist, and make their escape.

This is where the fun begins, because Dr. Winters happens to be a very pretty lady. So the entire time they are rescuing her, Footloose and Dusty are competing for her affection. It leads to some genuinely great comedy and action. After escaping the compound, our heroes get caught in a sand storm and are separated.

This episode makes great use of Footloose. There's a particular scene where Destro forces his troops to drive through a mine field in order to catch the Joes. The Cobra troops are naturally reluctant to do so and, after being forced at gun point, proceed with a humorously half hearted battle cry. They are promptly blown up and (presumably) killed off screen. Dusty comments how he feels sorry for them. Footloose replies that he has no sympathy because "they're just livin' out their karma." Interestingly, the scene is played pretty straight, and actually comes off pretty dark. One of the reasons Footloose fairs better in this episode than in others is that the writers actually give him more to say than the usual hippie "buzz" words, but still maintain the cultural feel. His response to the unrelenting sand storm is, "All Things Must Pass. Keep On Keepin' On." It's a nice reference.

Dusty found refuge in a stolen Cobra Hummer, but Footloose and Dr. Winters are trapped in the storm. Fortunately for them, they are found by a mysterious Arab man named Jabal who, at first, thinks they are Cobra soldiers. After realizing that Footloose is G.I. Joe, Jabal lets them go and helps them fight Cobra.

Now, this is where it gets a little embarrassing. Jabal is presented as a kind of Sinbad style, scimitar wielding, fantasy caricature. It wouldn't have been so bad if he didn't say things like "snake warrior" and "sky chariot" and such. But despite being a presented as an ignorant third world nomad, he's also a suave, romantic warrior poet and he totally sweeps Dr. Winters off her feet, much to Footloose and Dusty's chagrin.

In the end, Jabal found the Joe's Mauler so he and Footloose use it to fight Destro's prototype super tank. What follows is a pretty neat desert tank battle. Using teamwork and Dr. Winters' knowledge of the prototype, they are able to defeat Destro. As it turns out, Jabal is the rightful monarch of the land and with Cobra gone, takes control of the country and gives Dusty and Footloose medals. Then he takes Dr. Winters to his palace, leaving the two Joes to argue about whose chick she really was.

Footloose really shines in this episode. He's got a real Jeff Bridges style about him. He and Dusty really gel. The two characters have good chemistry and it's a shame they didn't have more appearances together outside of this episode.

Blog-A-Song 06

A Four Legged Friend - written by Roy Rogers




Lyrics:

A four legged friend, a four legged friend
he'll never let you down
he's honest and faithful right up to the end
that wonderful one, two, three, four legged friend

A woman's like cactus and cactus can hurt
'Cause she's just a tight waisted winky eyed flirt
She'll soon have your land and your pride and your gold
And bury you deep long before you grow old

Who carries your burden?
Who carries your load?
On tumbleweed land or a long dusty road?
Who asks you no questions?
Who tells you no lies?
That four legged friend with the two honest eyes

Top Ten Episodes of G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero - Number 05

"Memories of Mara"
Written by Sharman Di Vono

One of the tactics used by voice actors in creating voices for cartoon characters is doing impersonations of other actors. For example, Homer Simpson's legendary voice grew out of Dan Castellaneta's Walter Matthau impersonation. Such was the case with Neil Ross' voice work for one of the most popular G.I. Joe characters, Shipwreck.

Shipwreck's voice was heavily influenced by iconic actor, Jack Nicholson, and this vocal style really informed how the character was written as well. Shipwreck was played as a sarcastic, arrogant womanizer. The women he hit on found him insufferable yet attractive. He was a capable rogue who often played by his own set of rules. He butted heads with his superiors but always got results. This made him a very endearing character, after all, it was the 80's and we all wanted to be Han Solo.

So, it should come of no surprise that Shipwreck was used frequently throughout the cartoon. Memories of Mara is one of his most memorable episodes. The episode follows a standard formula. Duke, Lady Jaye, Gung Ho, and Shipwreck are aboard a Navy ship searching for a missing submarine. As it happens, a Cobra submarine is in the area and attacks the Navy ship. Before the battle begins, Shipwreck sees a drowning woman in the water and dives in to save her. The Joes try to keep Cobra busy while they save Shipwreck and the mysterious blue skinned woman.

After a couple of action scenes, the Joes scare off Cobra and get the drowning girl to safety, though it is not easy. The woman, named Mara, was a Cobra soldier who had been experimented on by Cobra scientists trying to create the perfect amphibious soldier. Unfortunately, the experiment was a failure, Mara has gills and can breathe water but she can't breathe air. She was trying to escape Cobra when Shipwreck rescued her. Naturally, most of the Joes don't trust her., though they promise to try and reverse her condition and pressure her to reveal the location of Cobra's secret undersea laboratory. Shipwreck sympathizes with her and thinks she's being treated unfairly.

Knowing that Cobra is aggressively looking to reclaim Mara, the Joes try to get her to a concealed island where she can be hidden while they study her. Shipwreck and Mara get separated from the rest of the Joe team and spend the day fighting Dreadknoks and having romantic swims in tropical bays.

One of the strength's of this episode is the focus on Mara's character. She reveals why she joined Cobra. It doesn't go into too much detail, but she clearly describes a rough childhood, probably in a violent third world country. She has little to no concept of honor or valor, and the only loyalty she understands is loyalty to herself. Through Shipwreck, she learns that people can be good, and really can do something for nothing in return.

After meeting up with the rest of the Joes, Mara reveals the location of the Cobra undersea laboratory where they are hiding the stolen submarine. They lead a mission to rescue the submarine crew and destroy the Cobra base.

With the Cobra lab destroyed, and all of the research with it, Mara realizes that she'll never go back to the way she was. Under romantic moonlight, she gives a tragic goodbye to Shipwreck and dives into the sea.

It's a touching episode. The drama is centered around two people from different worlds learning and growing during their brief period together. Thematically, it sticks to strong concepts like Heroism, Altruism, and Friendship, and stars one of the most likable characters to ever appear on the show.

Comics Review: Incredible Change-Bots

Back in 2007, I went to my first comic book convention, Wizard World Chicago. I spent most of my time in Artists Alley, looking at all the independent comics and artists that were selling their books. It was hard for me because, given the financial opportunity, I would have bought something from everybody there. I did walk out of there with a pile of comics. Some were good, some weren't, but they were all a product of love by their creators.

I clearly remember seeing a display for Jeffrey Brown's Incredible Change-Bots and it was probably the only table at the whole convention that I did not even approach. I remember thinking to myself, "Transformers are stupid. This is stupid. You're stupid!"

Well, it turns out that I'm stupid. I have since come to my senses and realized the true beauty of Jeffrey Brown's comics. Passing over meeting him and buying his comics has become one of my great regrets. I don't have anything to say in my defense. Maybe it was my inherent dislike of Michael Bay's Transformers movie (it had come out that year) or maybe it was my growing dislike of what appeared on the surface to be blatant nostalgia driven merchandise (I had become quite disenfranchised by the remodeled G.I. Joe, He-Man, Ninja Turtles, etc that had been all the rage that decade).

Although the Incredible Change-Bots is a nostalgia comic drawing on the original Transformers cartoon, it is so much more. For starters, it's funny. Jeffry Brown has great comedic timing. The book flows with the pace of a seasoned comic strip. A lot of the comedy is satirizing or parodying the Transformers cartoon. There are lots of nods to the show that any old fan would recognize, but that is not where the comedy ends. The true comedy comes from Brown's playful, conversational nature in which the characters communicate. He takes a lot of familiar tropes from action, superhero, and science fiction genres and turns them on their heads.

This is a cute book. It makes me laugh. Check it out.

Blog-A-Song 05

Hey Hey, My My - written by Neil Young

My loop station has been on the fritz, but I squeezed this song out of it. This might be my favorite song by Neil Young.



The lyrics as sung by me:

Hey hey, my my
Rock and Roll can never die
There's more to the picture
Than meets the eye
Hey hey, my my

You're out of the blue and into the black
You pay for this but they give you that
Once you're gone
You ain't never coming back
You're out of the blue and into the black

The king is gone but he's not forgotten
This is the story of Johnny Rotten
It's better to burn out
Rust never sleeps
The king is gone but he's not forgotten

Hey hey, my my
Rock and Roll can never die
It's better to burn out
Rust never sleeps

Top Ten Episodes of G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero - Number 06

"My Favorite Things"
Written by Doug Booth

I think it's safe to say that G.I. Joe comic writer extraordinaire Larry Hama can be credited with the lions share of creativity behind the franchise; and although the comic and the cartoon existed independently of each other, the cartoon often picked up Hama's ideas and took them in their own direction. Their only real concern was pushing the toys, not maintaining consistent continuity.

Most of the characters in the cartoon differed from their comic book counterparts and Serpentor was no exception, though he was not as far removed from his initial concept as some other characters. In the cartoon, he may have been a more megalomaniacal than he was in the comic, but the basic concept of being created from DNA of history's greatest despots and tyrants remains concurrent with the comic. The cartoon does take in a different directions, though.

The main premise of this episode is that Serpentor wants to obtain a bunch of historical artifacts that belonged to his DNA ancestors. For whatever reason, owning these weapons and statues makes him more powerful, albeit in an undefined way. This mission takes Cobra to the Netherlands in search of a battle axe owned by a Viking named Ulric the Batterer. Serendipitously, G.I. Joe and NATO are holding war games in the area. Despite that, Cobra invades a Dutch city and tries to steal the axe, named Skullsplitter, from a museum. G.I. Joe happens to be in the area and do their best to fight off the Cobra invasion. Serpentor manages to find the axe, but is stopped by Leatherneck. The two brawl for a while and the axe is chopped in two by a guillotine during the melee. Cobra escapes, but without the axe.

Back at Joe HQ, Leatherneck is the toast of the town, showing off his new souvenir and bragging about going toe to toe with Serpentor. Leatherneck's embittered rival, Wet Suit, becomes increasingly jealous. Here we get to see one of the strongest elements of the G.I. Joe cartoon.

One of the formulas that the Joe writers often used was the pairing up of two characters. Often times, one would not appear without the other. The first season got a lot of mileage out of Alpine and Bazooka. Alpine's talkative bossiness contrasted perfectly with Bazooka's monosyllabic stupidity. Likewise, we repeatedly saw the romantic playfulness of Flint and Lady Jaye, Shipwreck had a bird, etc. The buddy system is just easy to write for, and with G.I. Joe's bloated cast of characters, it simplified the process.

Wet Suit and Leatherneck are one of my favorite pairings. The two characters are fiercely proud of the military organizations from which they came, the Navy Seals and the Marines respectively. This was a great idea. You don't have to look very far to see examples of the rivalry between the different branches of the military, so it's very realistic and relatable. Both Wet Suit and Leatherneck are pinnacles of their namesakes and are constantly trying to out do one another in an effort to prove the superiority of their branch. It's handled very well, in that it's never personal, it's about the history of the military. In fact, both characters are incredibly similar. They are both brash, macho tough guys who don't take no guff from nobody.

This episode deals specifically with their rivalry and highlights both the merits and flaws of their characters.

The Joes try to catch Cobra at Vlad the Impaler's castle, where Serpentor tries to steal some ancient torture equipment. Feeling outdone by Leatherneck, Wet Suit jumps the gun and blows their cover when he attacks Serpentor head on. Wet Suit gets in over his head and Leatherneck is forced to jump into the fray to save Wet Suit. They manage to escape certain doom, but Leatherneck is poisoned by a dart tipped with the deadliest poison of all...Serpentor's blood. With Leatherneck on his deathbed, Wet Suit is overcome with guilt and decides he has to make things right by getting some more of Serpentor's blood with which an anti-venom can be made.

Wet Suit takes Lifeline, the current medical officer, to India. Apparently, one of Serpentor's DNA donors is Takshaka, King of the Nagas, from Indian mythology. Cobra prowl around in an ancient temple looking for Serpentor's ancient giant pet snake, much to Wet Suit's chagrin as he has an Indian Jonesesc hatred of snakes. It is revealed that the snake's venom is the same as Serpentor's blood. Lifeline finds a chalice of the venom and is pleased that they can abandon their ambush of Serpentor and use the snake venom instead.

But hot headed Wet Suit wastes the venom in an act of petty revenge against a damaged Cobra B.A.T. Wet Suit is unconcerned with losing the snake venom, as he'd rather go beat up Serpentor anyway. Lifeline reveals that the snake venom is the "pure form" of the poison and would be guaranteed to make an effective anti-venom, where as Serpentor's blood would be "clutching at straws." He insists that they have to get more venom from the giant snake, but Wet Suit refuses because of his fear of snakes.

At this point, we get to see the fourth star of this episode, Lifeline, deliver a very nice speech about honor and courage. You see, Lifeline is kind of a simple punchline character, in that he is a pacifist. In most of the episodes, this is highlighted in silly ways, such as never wanting to use violence on anybody for any reason, or refusing to use guns. In one episode, he is shown to be almost fearful of guns, refusing to even touch them. It's fairly one dimensional. But in this episode, it's handled really well. He chides Wet Suit on being a glory hog and a coward, and despite the fact that he is made fun of for not using weapons, he continually puts his life on the line in order to save lives. He then risks his life to get the venom by going after the snake alone.

Again, Wet Suit is overcome with guilt and realizes that he was being selfish. Together, the two Joes go after the snake. Wet Suit lets the giant snake bite him, being poisoned in the process, but soaking some of the venom into his shirt.

In the end, Lifeline is able to make an effective anti-venom and Wet Suit and Leatherneck are both seen healing in the medical bay, albeit in a shared room. They immediately fall into their ongoing rivalry,arguing and boasting about their accomplishments against Serpentor.

As Lifeline and General Hawk put it, "They are on the road to complete recovery...if they don't kill each other first."

As you can see from my description, a lot happens in this episode. It's very action heavy and very fast paced, but the action and pace are driven by the character drama. I think it's a perfect example of why the cartoon was so endearing to so many kids and remains so after they've grown up.

Comics Review: iZombie

When it came to buying comics, I used to be a real Wednesday regular kind of guy, but over the last couple of years my regular purchases have dwindled, much to the chagrin of my local comic book store I'm sure. There are a lot of reasons for my lack of weekly purchases beyond a broad disinterest in the majority of comics being published. Truthfully, there are a lot of good comics being made right now, but I'm a very discerning customer whose time and money is limited. I can only pay for books that not only provide a consistent level of quality, but also speak to me personally.

iZombie, written by Chris Roberson and illustrated by Michael and Laura Allred is a book that does that.

The concept for iZombie is, at first, fairly straight forward. Gwen is a zombie. She appears to be a regular person with normal bodily functions save for a violet skin tone and of course, the craving to eat brains. According to Gwen, she has to eat one brain a month to keep from turning into a rotting, shambling, brain dead monster. Fortunately for her, she works as a grave digger and has easy access to the fresh brains buried there. Unfortunately for her, whenever she eats a brain she gains the dead persons memories, which haunt her and compel her to take care of their unfinished business.

I first bought this book for the Allred art. I'm a huge fan of the Allreds style and am always interested in anything they do. Writer Chris Roberson was a newcomer to me. He hasn't done a whole lot of comic work, but he's breaking in and on his way to exploding in the industry. This year in fact, he has two Eisner Award nominations, one of which is Best New Series for iZombie. He's also currently writing Superman, taking over for the...less than ideal...Grounded storyline started by J. Michael Straczynski. I hear it's a complete turn around from what JMS was doing and a vast improvement. But I didn't know any of that when I first picked up iZombie, it was just a book by a cool artist and an unknown writer.

The set up for iZombie is fairly familiar and I think it takes a few issues before the plot starts getting interesting, but that is to the books benefit. Gwen the Zombie has a ghost pal and a werewolf acquaintance. Well, technically, he's a were-terrier...

In the first couple of issues we get to know Gwen as she goes on her detective mission to solve murder of the man whose brain she ate. Along the way we see that there is a coven of Vampire women in the town, a mysterious mummy man, and a group of monster hunters.

As the book progresses, the plot really gains momentum with some real trippy mysticism and conspiracies. All the while, we also get to really know the characters and slowly learn more about Gwen and her past life.

My favorite thing about iZombie, is the way Roberson utilizes cliffhanger endings to each issue. I think the most common criticism launched at most modern comic books is their lack of value per issue, especially with prices as high as $3.99 an issue. In iZombie, Roberson deftly packs each issue's story with a beginning, middle, and end, often ending with an intriguing cliffhanger. And they aren't the kind of measly shock tactic cliffhangers that are undone in the first page of the next issue. The cliffhangers are revealing plot elements that stick with the series throughout further issues.

And last I checked, the issues are priced at $2.99. This is a must buy book with a great cast by a fantastic writer and a legendary artist.

According to Plan

It's frustrating when things don't go "according to plan" but it's something we all frequently experience in our lives. The realization that we have no control over the chaos of the cosmos much less over a few aspects of our daily lives is huge blow to the ego, but it's a part of life.

It's also a part of collaborations of all kinds. Weather it be working relationships, social relationships, or forced relationships, you sacrifice control when you begin to rely on other people. That's what being a community is all about. Any person who has complete control over every aspect of their lives is alone in a solitary existence. And sometimes, that solitary existence looks awfully tantalizing after putting up with the various frustrations of losing control or being let down.

When feeling frustration over the inability to control the chaos around you, it's important not to lose control of the things that are within you. And when I feel that sensation, that despair and frustration, I step back from it all. I try to view the events of my life in the third person, as a sequence of events that are going to happen regardless of whether or not I am in complete control, and I say to myself three simple words:

So It Goes.

Thank you, Kurt.

Blog-A-Song 04

Side of the Road

Beats created in Acoustica Beatcraft and played through an RC2 Loop Station.



Lyrics:

Every time it makes me so mad
When people tell me that there's not a girl to have
Every time it makes me insane
When people tell me that you got to play the game

But there's a girl by the side of the road
Should I pick her up or just let her go go

There's a girl, she looks like a hitch hiker
There's a girl and I think I might like her
There's a girl and I guess she's kind of cute
There's a girl but she's just a prostitute

There's a girl by the side of the road
Should I pick her up or just let her go go

Top Ten Episodes of G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero - Number 07

"Once Upon a Joe"
Written by Buzz Dixon

This is probably one of the more widely remembered episodes on my list, probably because it's funny! Stalwart Joe writer Buzz Dixon turns in one of the funniest and most lovable episodes of the show. It has a lot of fun with the standard storytelling format and, despite being a second season episode, stars fan favorite, Jack Nicholson infused Shipwreck.

The episode begins, like so many others, with Cobra attempting to steal a Macguffin weapon, in this case, literally called The MacGuffin Device. For some reason, the laboratory that holds the MacGuffin Device is next to an Orphanage, which unfortunately gets burned down in the ensuing battle. The bulk of the episode is centered around Joes rebuilding the Orphanage. Shipwreck causes a bunch of havoc and shirks the work. He ends up telling the homeless orphans a story while Zartan sneaks around the construction site looking for The MacGuffin Device lost in the previous night's battle.

The story Shipwreck tells, a wacky story starring a fantasized version of himself, is animated in a suitably appropriate Looney Tunes style.

My favorite joke is probably when Leatherneck kicks Shipwreck out of the group of kids, sending him out into the forest to search for mines(?) from the previous battle. Leatherneck takes over the storytelling duties, but all he can think to talk about is different types of artillery which bores and disappoints the children.

Eventually, Zartan disguises himself as Shipwreck and steals The MacGuffin Device, but before he can leave, the kids find him and make him finish the story. Zartan, of course, tells a twisted version of the story in which the bad guys win, which tips off one of the little girls that something is wrong. The girl finds the real Shipwreck tied up in the forest and frees him. Shipwreck finds Zartan just as he's finishing the story and takes back The MacGuffin Device and uses it on the incoming Cobra Raven force. The MacGuffin Device causes Shipwreck's imagination to come to live, and the little cartoon characters from his story defeat Dr. Mindbender by throwing pies in his face.

This is a very silly, tongue in cheek episode. Tonally, it seems to feel more at home with contemporary comedy show The Venture Bros. (which takes obvious influence from G.I. Joe) than with the rest of the 80's catalog. This episode even features two Cobra Vipers that look like prototypes of Henchmen 21 and 24. Said Vipers even have comedically villainous voices often used in The Venture Bros.

Top Five Paul McCartney Bass Lines

Paul McCartney will always be known as one of the driving creative forces behind one of the most influential rock and roll bands of all time. And though he will always be remembered predominately for his songwriting capabilities (Yesterday), I think this sometimes overshadows his incredible talents as a bass player. Lest we overlook his accomplishments as a bass player, I've compiled a list of my five favorite bass lines Paul wrote for The Beatles.

5. Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds
This controversial song written by John Lennon is famous for it's drug addled lyrics, and psychedelic guitar, but the climbing bass line carries it the whole way.

4. All My Lovin
This is the only song penned by McCartney that is on my list. It also comes from one my least favored Beatles albums, their sophomore 1963 release, With The Beatles. This is a good song, it moves at a good pace and the bass bounces around nicely between Lennon and Harrison's hard hitting guitars.

3. Dear Prudence
Another John Lennon song. The bass follows a similar pattern used on Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, but it's in more control of the song in here, marching along with Lennon's ballad nicely.

2. Taxman
McCartney and Lennon both helped Harrison with this, his first song written for The Beatles. McCartney's bass licks in this song are wild! The verse hops and skips along at a great speedy rhythmic pace, unabashedly throwing in fills wherever he likes, but when he hits the bridge he goes into overdrive. Fun Fact: McCartney also played the lead guitar for this song.

1. Rain
What can I say about this song? Lennon wrote a song with a strong guitar chord structure, allowing the bass to just crawl all over the place. There's a lot going on in this song, including the best drumming you'll ever hear in a Beatles song, but when you listen to it all you hear is that beautiful bass.

Blog-A-Song 03

Somebody Buy Him A Beer

Top Ten Episodes of G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero - Number 08

"Computer Complications"
Written by David Schwartz

As I said last week, one of the biggest challenges the Joe writers faced was juggling so many characters while still giving them all adequate face time. If they had a hard time in the first season, then things only got harder in the second season. The 1986 toy line brought over 20 new characters that needed to be sold. Naturally, this meant that the older characters got pushed further to the background in order to make room for the new characters. But the 1985 characters would still be on the shelves for a few more years, so they couldn't just disappear completely.

The best formula for dealing with the copious characters was to ground a story around one or two characters and fill in the background with whatever other characters needed some face time. Season Two's Computer Complications makes perfect use of that formula by focusing on two new characters, the G.I. Joe Mainframe, and the Dreadnok Zarana.

The story is fairly straightforward. The Joes are attempting to retrieve a satellite probe that fell into the ocean and everything goes awry when Cobra tries to steal the satellite for themselves. This probe is very important because apparently it's got Anti-matter in it. Unfortunately for Cobra, the Joes are using some silly robot submarines that successfully fight off Cobra.

The satellite and the robot subs are just a Maguffin, a plot device in order to get the real story going, the story of Zarana attempting to infiltrate G.I. Joe and getting tangled up in a relationship with Mainframe. Mainframe, the Joe's new resident "computer guy" is diligently working on reprograming the robot submarines that were damaged in the fight with Cobra. Zarana is sent undercover to get the computer codes so Cobra can control the robot submarines. It's a story of espionage and intrigue, loyalties are questioned, duties take precedence over romance, and heartbreak is inevitable.

Zarana is the bad girl sister of Dreadnok leader Zartan. She's a tough girl who grew up and spends all her time with a gang of uncouth bikers. She's fought for everything her whole life and is caught off guard by Mainframe's chivalrous advances.

Although Mainframe is himself a sarcastic tough guy, he's also a guy who is trying to learn from his past. He's both handsome and charming, but he's also been through a failed marriage. He's pretty carefree and treats women like things to be conquered. He is completely taken by Zarana's independent self reliance and resolves to do right by her.

Throughout the episode there's some obligatory action between G.I. Joe and Cobra as they battle over the satellite probe, but the majority of time is spent on Mainframe and Zarana's relationship. Mainframe procrastinates his duties working on the submarines in order to spend more time wooing Zarana. Zarana gets increasingly aggravated by Mainframe's advances interfering with her own mission.

There's a particularly good joke when Mainframe is working on the computer. Zarana keeps picking up tools with which she intends to beat Mainframe. But each time she's about to strike, Mainframe turns around and thinks she's being helpful, because each tool she picks happens to be the exact one he needs.

In the end, Zarana goes through with her mission out of duty to her brother but saves Mainframe's life, refusing to let him die in the process. Mainframe, in turn, protects her identity from other Joes looking for the spy. Despite successfully reprograming the robot subs and stealing the Anti-Matter, the Joes blow up the Cobra helicarrier transporting it. Surprisingly enough, the helicarrier crashes into the USS Flagg, sinking both ships. It's a very action packed ending.

The episode ends in a bittersweet draw for both Cobra and G.I. Joe, neither of whom gained the Anti-Matter and both of whom lost some heavy artillery. Then there's a beautiful shot of Zarana and Mainframe both looking at the moon, lamenting the fact that they could never be together.

It's a strong episode that deals with the high drama very well. Mainframe and Zarana's relationship even becomes a good continuity point revisited in a later episode (that weird one where Mainframe, Dial Tone, and Lady Jaye are all de-aged to 10 year olds and Flint, Sc-Fi, and Gung Ho are all aged to senior citizens).

Music Review: Tijuana Panthers - Max Baker

Never having any older brothers, I never had anybody really close to me to emulate or tell me about all the great music I should listen to. I was blind and unable to swim when I took my first tentative steps into the music pool. For me, it started with the oldies station, because that was the safest music to listen to.

When I was a kid, oldies meant 50's and 60's music, I guess these days it leans more toward 70's and 80's but whatever. I was introduced to rock and roll through Elvis, The Beatles, The Kinks, Buddy Holly, and so forth. One of the songs that really struck me, the same way it struck many other young men who actually grew up in that time period, was Walk, Don't Run by The Ventures. The Ventures were my first introduction to anything that could be categorized as Surf Rock.

Later, after I had grown but was still in the influential teenage years, I saw a movie called Pulp Fiction. Quentin Tarantino introduced me to real surf rock, the kind that you didn't hear on the radio, and my world was turned upside down again.

Ever since then, I've had an undying love for surf rock. At it's best, it is raw, simple, unfiltered fun. That brings me to the Tijuana Panthers. These guys rock.



These kids are just pure rock and roll. It's impossible to listen to this music and be in a bad mood. They are a stripped down three piece combo who dance back and forth between Buzzcocks style three chord punk rock, easy going riff rock, and good old southern rock jams.



Tijuana Panthers are easy to listen to, and sometimes, when you're cruising around at 2 A.M. with the windows down letting the summer wind blow though you, that's all you need to make it a perfect night.

Blog-A-Song 02

Gaston




I did not write this song. Here are the lyrics.

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
My- what a guy, that Gaston

Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Gaston is the best
And the rest is all drips

No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston
For there's no one as burly and brawny
As you see I've got biceps to spare
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
I'm especially good at expectorating
(Ptooey!)
Ten points for Gaston!

When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge

No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
I use antlers in all of my decorating
Say it again
Who's a man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
And his name

is

Gaston!

Top Ten Episodes of G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero - Number 09

"Worlds Without End"
Written by Martin Pasko

The regular G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero cartoon series began in 1985 and the characters featured most prominently were the series four toys, which were the newest ones available at the time. The toy line first went into production in 1982 and produced new characters and play sets each year for over a decade. This, of course, means that by the time they started producing episodes for the cartoon series, there were already 3 series of toys, each with a number of characters in them. Some of these characters saw some action in the two mini series from '83 and '84 and some, like Mutt & Junkyard, Duke, Scarlett, and Roadblock sustained a presence throughout the show. Others were lucky to make an appearance whenever their specific skill was required before fading into the background to make room for the characters who still had toys available on the store shelves.

Although this vast sea of rotating characters was seen as a hindrance to the writing process by some, Martin Pasko takes advantage of the situation and gives us an epic two part episode with a dramatic conclusion that writes some of the more disposable characters out of the show in a dignified way.

Duke in a coma, this is not.

The story begins like so many others, with Cobra attempting to steal a new technological weapon, namely, The Matter Transmuter Ray. The ray can change the molecular structure of anything it touches. A team of G.I. Joes are sent to make sure that doesn't happen. Action and adventure ensue.

After Cobra steals the weapon, the team of Joes get into a battle with Cobra which accidentally sets off the device. The ray goes haywire and the Joes are all knocked unconscious. When they awake, they find themselves in an alternate bizzaro reality where Cobra has defeated G.I. Joe and taken over the world! They eventually meet up with the resistance forces and help instigate a civil war between Cobra Commander and Destro, who are obviously incapable of sharing power with each other. The team eventually finds the portal home but series one characters, Steeler, Grunt, and Clutch decide to stay and restart G.I. Joe.

This episode featured a lot of characters. Aside from the three series one characters, Flint, Lady Jaye, Footloose, Airtight, and Barbecue make up the rest of the team. The nine characters all get a fair amount of screen time thanks to being a double episode, but the real star is Steeler the tank driver. He is the emotional core of the episode.

As far as I know, this is the only episode that Steeler gets any talking parts, and boy, does he talk. He spends the first part of the episode lamenting his position in G.I. Joe. He has no free time, his girlfriend left him, and they never appear to make a difference in the war against Cobra. It's a little heavy handed, but Pasko does a good job of setting up a character who is cynical and embittered by war. After a near death experience, he decides he's quitting G.I. Joe for good, but before he can quit, he gets caught up in one last life changing adventure.

Once in the alternate world, Steeler is horrified by effects of Cobra's rule and, thanks to a biologically weaponized insect bite and seeing the skeleton of his alternate reality self, actually goes temporarily insane and believes he's in Hell. Fortunately for him, he is found by Baroness and is nursed back to health. He learns that Baroness is secretly in the resistance against Cobra Commander and used to be in a romantic relationship the Steeler of her world. Steeler learns that every little bit of effort makes a difference and decides not to return to his own world. In this world he's truly needed, by both the resistance and by Baroness. So, he pretty much gets everything that he was complaining about at the beginning of the episode. Steeler's two friends, Clutch and Grunt decided to stay and help also, despite the fact that they don't get smoking hot girlfriends like the Baroness.

The rest of the episode is standard alternate reality action affair. The Joe team are on the run in a strange totalitarian world that resembles their own. The Dreadnoks are cops, the Lincoln Memorial is replaced by the Cobra Commander Memorial, and a bad guy is actually a good guy.

This episode is in my top ten because it doesn't pull any punches. In a cartoon where the characters fire make believe lasers and everyone parachutes out of exploding vehicles, it was pretty intense to see skeletons wearing G.I. Joe uniforms lying in a mass grave. The animation is really clean, and as previously mentioned, there's a strong emotional story about a three dimensional character at it's core.

I'll happily give a fond farewell to great characters.