Top Ten Episodes of G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero - Number 04

"Hearts and Cannons"
Written by Alfered A. Pegal and Larry Houston

I think one of the strongest elements of the G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero concept is the distillation of cliches and stereotypes into well rounded characters. The characters are pastiches of America. Sometimes it's a little heavy handed, and a few times it's embarrassingly tacky, but most of the time the Joes are representative of the different types of people that make up America. And America has, if nothing else, lots of different types of people in it.

That brings us to Footloose. I was never a big fan of Footloose, I never had his toy, and he wasn't in many episodes. It's not hard to see why, most of the time he came off as a single joke character, and the joke is pretty thin. He was a pretty straightforward pastiche of hippies. He was kind of detached from reality in a zen sort of way and said "like" a lot, heck, even his helmet is covered with "leaves". The problem with Footloose was that he felt like he was being written by people who didn't actually know any hippies, but saw them on TV once. I don't know if the writers didn't know what to do with that type of character or if they just didn't want to go there in the first place, but Footloose didn't see a lot of action in the cartoon series. But when he did, he called everybody "man" and said "far out" a lot.

Hearts and Cannons is one of the better episodes that he stars in. In this episode, he is partnered with Dusty. Footloose is an existential free thinker and Dusty is just a rugged, good ol' country boy. They work really well together. Although they have opposing competitive styles, it never devolves into Odd Couple style arguing and bickering. They come across more as two guys from different lifestyles who have bonded to become friends.

At the beginning of the episode we find out that Cobra is attacking unnamed villages in an unnamed Middle Eastern country. They have kidnapped a scientist, Dr. Winters, and are forcing her to create a prototype plasma cannon tank. The Joes are flying over the area looking for the secret facility. After their plane is struck by lightning, they are forced to jettison the cargo and supplies, including the Mauler tank. But that wasn't enough to lighten the load, so Footloose and Dusty are forced to parachute out as well. After spending the night in the desert, they find Destro's secret weapons testing compound, sneak inside, rescue the scientist, and make their escape.

This is where the fun begins, because Dr. Winters happens to be a very pretty lady. So the entire time they are rescuing her, Footloose and Dusty are competing for her affection. It leads to some genuinely great comedy and action. After escaping the compound, our heroes get caught in a sand storm and are separated.

This episode makes great use of Footloose. There's a particular scene where Destro forces his troops to drive through a mine field in order to catch the Joes. The Cobra troops are naturally reluctant to do so and, after being forced at gun point, proceed with a humorously half hearted battle cry. They are promptly blown up and (presumably) killed off screen. Dusty comments how he feels sorry for them. Footloose replies that he has no sympathy because "they're just livin' out their karma." Interestingly, the scene is played pretty straight, and actually comes off pretty dark. One of the reasons Footloose fairs better in this episode than in others is that the writers actually give him more to say than the usual hippie "buzz" words, but still maintain the cultural feel. His response to the unrelenting sand storm is, "All Things Must Pass. Keep On Keepin' On." It's a nice reference.

Dusty found refuge in a stolen Cobra Hummer, but Footloose and Dr. Winters are trapped in the storm. Fortunately for them, they are found by a mysterious Arab man named Jabal who, at first, thinks they are Cobra soldiers. After realizing that Footloose is G.I. Joe, Jabal lets them go and helps them fight Cobra.

Now, this is where it gets a little embarrassing. Jabal is presented as a kind of Sinbad style, scimitar wielding, fantasy caricature. It wouldn't have been so bad if he didn't say things like "snake warrior" and "sky chariot" and such. But despite being a presented as an ignorant third world nomad, he's also a suave, romantic warrior poet and he totally sweeps Dr. Winters off her feet, much to Footloose and Dusty's chagrin.

In the end, Jabal found the Joe's Mauler so he and Footloose use it to fight Destro's prototype super tank. What follows is a pretty neat desert tank battle. Using teamwork and Dr. Winters' knowledge of the prototype, they are able to defeat Destro. As it turns out, Jabal is the rightful monarch of the land and with Cobra gone, takes control of the country and gives Dusty and Footloose medals. Then he takes Dr. Winters to his palace, leaving the two Joes to argue about whose chick she really was.

Footloose really shines in this episode. He's got a real Jeff Bridges style about him. He and Dusty really gel. The two characters have good chemistry and it's a shame they didn't have more appearances together outside of this episode.