This blog post cost me $14.95

A month ago I signed up for one of those free credit report websites. I had payed off some debt and wanted to know where I was sitting and where I would be going in the future. Freecreditreport.com was the lucky recipient of my business. I'm sure you've seen their ads around the internet. They advertise a free service, but in reality you must become a member of their website. The monthly membership fee is $14.95 which they will continue to take from your bank account/credit card until you decide to cancel your membership. As a new member you have a 9 day period when you can cancel before they begin charging you, thus accounting for the "free" service. There are various websites around that run the same scam, and it's a good one, because I'm sure there are plenty of people that sign away their information without thinking about it.

Now, I know how their scam works. Normally, I don't like to mess around with sleazy services like this, but I wanted information and this appeared to be the quickest method by which to attain it. I singed up for the service, got my information, and proceeded to cancel my membership an hour later. Naturally, you can't cancel your membership online, you have to call one of Customer Care people and do it over the phone. Lord knows you can sign away all your money with a few errant clicks of the mouse, but they are going to make it as difficult as possible for you to protect your assets. I have no interest in paying for a service I will not use, so I called them and got my account canceled. Truth be told, it was a pretty simple process. I was pleased with the outcome and assumed the whole situation to be done and resolved.

How foolish I was. Last week, as I was going over my bank statement, I noticed that I was charged a fee of $14.95 by freecreditreport.com. My heart sunk, because I immediately knew that there was no way I was getting my money back. Mind you, I've wasted more money on crappy comic books than I did on this website, but it's the principle of the matter. The fact that, despite my careful planning, I was still falling victim to their scam infuriated me. It was late at night and their Call Center was closed, so I sent them this simple e-mail:

Again, to reiterate, I wasn't exactly expecting a refund, or much of a response even, I just need to get that stupid membership canceled before they decided to take even more of my money. Surprisingly, I received a response fairly quickly.


As you can see from their response, they completely sidestep the problem and make no attempt to address the claim that I did indeed cancel my account. Instead they offer a half hearted explanation as to why they won't refund my money. The good news was that my account was canceled (again), which is really all I was hoping for. Although I was still angry about the whole ordeal, I considered it done and over with and, as a form of venting, sent them this e-mail:


I considered this the end of it, which was again foolish as I received this form response:




At this point I realized that they were going to keep giving me form responses and decided to see how far I could take it with this e-mail:


Predictably, I received this response (although it was a bit flowerier than the previous):


Admittedly, I was disappointed in this response, because their operators were obviously not interested in playing my games; which is not surprising since I'm sure they have to deal with a plethora of angry people on any given day. Still, it did not stop me from trying to get a communication going:

To which they responded:

Finally, it seems that they have had enough of me and cut me off. Of course I didn't call their number because $15 isn't worth the hassle and I already have a big enough headache. At the end of the day I am left feeling like Sam Lowry at the end of Terry Gilliam's Brazil, though thankfully I haven't been lobotomized and am instead only out 15 bucks.

King of the Road

I'm currently writing a kid's book called King of the Road. It's about the adventure of a house cat and a rabbit that was raised by stray cats. It is based off many of the animals in my neighborhood. This is the fourth chapter, where they meet another cat and a raccoon.

CHAPTER FOUR

RUMBLE

Quickfoot slowed his pace so that Chesterton could keep up with him. Together, they walked down The Road.

“How do you do that?” remarked Chesterton.

“How do I do what?” asked Quickfoot.

Chesterton noticed that Quickfoot had a peculiar way of walking. Whereas Chesterton had the lumbering stride of an overweight cat, Quickfoot didn’t seem to walk at all, he seemed to be pouncing on his hind legs for every step.

“How do you pounce on your legs like that? Why don’t you walk like me?

“I don’t know,” said Quickfoot, “This is just how I walk. I don’t know any other way.”

After some time, they decided to pause for a rest in front of a strange house. “I’ve never been here before. Do you remember the way back home?” worried Chesterton.

“Yeah, of course I do. It’s that way,” Quickfoot said, pointing down the other end of The Road.

“I smell something different,” Chesterton said, turning his attention toward the house.

“Me too, it’s over here,” said Quickfoot.

“Wait for me,” yelped Chesterton.

Chesterton caught up with Quickfoot and together they began stalking around the back of the house. The house was built on a hill and as they made their way around the house the ground began to decline. Before they knew it they were standing at the bottom of a hill and the house seemed very far away.

“What did you smell?” asked Quickfoot.

“I don’t know,” remarked Chesterton, “It was something I’ve never smelled before.”

They continued investigating the large hillside. Eventually, Chesterton came across the wooden support beams of the house’s back porch. The smell was growing stronger and he began sniffing around further.

“What are you looking for, fatty?”

Chesterton swirled around and stared at Quickfoot, who was sitting still in the grass.

“What?” asked Quickfoot.

“What did you say to me?” snapped Chesterton.

“I said it. Up here.”

Chesterton and Quickfoot both looked up and saw two figures sitting on the porch railing.

“Who are you?” asked Chesterton.

“The more appropriate question is, what are you?” responded the tall, statuesque figure on left.

“What are you talking about? I’m a cat, same as you!” The thin figure on the left had the smell of cat all over him, Chesterton was sure of it. It was the shorter, round figure that confused his sense of smell.

“Like me? I don’t think so.” The figure jumped off the railing onto the ground in front of Chesterton. He sat upright in the most dignified fashion. He was lean and muscular. His short hair was entirely black, and the moonlight reflected off his shiny coat, outlining his feline features. His eyes beamed in the dark like tiny yellow diamonds.

The swarthy cat sat there and stared at him. Not knowing what to do, Chesterton decided to introduce himself. “My name is Chesterton T. Cat. What’s yours?”

“Midnight,” the cat said curtly, “and my estimable colleague up there is Ratchet.”

Ratchet jumped off the railing and landed with a crash. His body was rounder and his coat was a coarse gray except for the black patches over his eyes.

“Evenin’ fellers,” he grunted, “What brings you to this neck of the neighborhood?”

“My friend and I were just out investigating,” confessed Chesterton, “I’ve never been this far from my house.”

Midnight and Ratchet chuckled. “Obviously,” sneered Midnight. “Where is your friend, anyway?”

Chesterton looked around. “I don’t know,” he said, “Quickfoot, where did you go? It’s okay, we’re all cats here.”

Quickfoot timidly hopped out of a nearby bush.

“I am not a cat, boy,” laughed Ratchet, “and neither is that.”

Midnight laughed, “Little one, if you were any smaller I’d be making dinner out of you.”

“Hey,” hissed Chesterton, “that’s not very nice!”

Quickfoot turned to leave but in one sleek motion, Midnight leapt over him and blocked his path. “Why in such a hurry? You just got here.” Midnight raised himself up to his proud, full height and flashed a menacing grin. He was missing one of his fangs, which made the remaining fang stand out like a solitary shining knife.

Chesterton yelped, “Where’s your other fang?”

“In the back of a dog’s neck,” Midnight sneered.

“There are dogs out here?” gulped Chesterton.

“Dogs AND Coyotes,” Ratchet chirped.

“And they would make a hearty meal out of you, chubby,” quipped Midnight.

A flash of lightning cut the night sky in half. Quickfoot was frozen in place. Chesterton shrunk down and his hair stood on end. He turned away from Midnight but Ratchet, standing on his hind legs, towered over him. Ratchet brandished his clawed fingers and snapped his teeth.

“Look, we just want to leave,” Chesterton said meekly.

Midnight began licking his paw and flashed his claws. “Come now, that’s not very sporting.”

“Don’t you boys want to have some fun?” Ratchet cackled.

Chesterton’s ears twitched and filled with the low rumble of thunder. Quickfoot remained still, ready to run at any moment. Chesterton could feel the moisture in the air. It was unfamiliar to him and he began to panic.

Just then, a woman’s voice sang out over the thunder. “Here kitty, kitty, kitty,” the voice sang. “Midder baby. Here kitty, kitty, kitty.”

Midnight huffed, “I must go. It’s going to rain anyway.” In one glorious jump, Midnight leapt onto the porch railing. He turned and stared down at Chesterton and Quickfoot. “If I see you two around here again, I’ll make stew out of you.” And with that he jumped out of sight. Chesterton heard the woman remark, “Midnight, get your little butt in here.” “Where’s my pillow, woman?” Midnight meowed.

Ratchet scampered off. “You boys got lucky. See you around,” he grunted.

Chesterton tried to breathe a sigh of relief, but he was still very tense. He felt the first drop of water land on his back and his entire body twitched. His back arched and his whiskers stood on end. “What was that?” he hissed.

Quickfoot jumped. “Chesterton,” he yelped, “it’s going to rain! We need to find shelter. NOW!”

Chesterton felt more water hit his back and finally a drop landed square on his nose. He lost all sense of control and took off running. Quickfoot tried to followed him as best he could.

Aftermath

What a grueling experience it has been trying to write Real Life/Real Death.

Not to suggest that I'm not proud of my work, though it needs a lot more work to be good, I'm very glad to be done with it. This little story was originally just going to be an exercise in writing. The plan was to write a new chapter a week until it was done. There was no outline and no planing beyond the initial idea of doing a crime noir with real life superheroes. And I gotta say, I took a valuable lesson away from this little exorcise: I hate writing like that.

The problem I had with Real Life/Real Death was, as I was writing it, it became a chore to write an open ended story that wasn't working toward anything. Bless Stephen King for being able to write stories with no ending in mind, but I cannot do that. I need to have a clear goal in mind when I'm writing, and I didn't have one with Real Life/Real Death.

I also really struggled with the schedule, which is plainly obvious as I started this at the end of 2008 and here we are marching through 2010. I'm not too bothered by the schedule thing though. When I write, I am usually working on multiple projects at a time, so I always keep myself busy. But the fact of the matter is, as time progressed, I became less and less interested in finishing Real Life/Real Death because I felt it had no purpose other than a writing exorcise I was become more and more frustrated with.

The good news is, in last few months it's taken me to finish it, I've settled on a goal to work toward, which has reinvigorated my interest in the story. The bad news is, the new goal means I've got twenty more chapters to write to really complete the story. So, although I'm done with the exorcise, I'm far from completing this story. But the rest of the story is going to operate at my own comfortable pace, so I'm not planning on updating any more chapters on the blog. I'm certain nobody actually read any of it, which is fine. As I've always say, I write for myself. The second half of the book is also going to involve a lot of editing anyway, and that's messy. I've no intention of taking down the old posts. I'm an advocate of letting history speak for itself, so if nothing else, these series of posts will serve as a digital record of something I did from Fall '08 to Spring '10 for anybody who may be interested.

The End

REAL LIFE/REAL DEATH Chapter Twenty

THE STORY

I died.

On my way to the afterlife I dreamed. My dreams were neither surreal nor enlightening.

First, I dreamed of Sandy. She was dancing, but I was the only one in the room. Only it wasn’t a room, it was like some kind of cloud high above the sky.

Then I dreamed of Anne. I dreamed she had finished her schooling, gotten a high paying job, and married a handsome young man, eventually beginning a family of her own. Even in my dream I wasn’t a part of her life, but I felt consolation knowing that she had grown up to be a strong, independent woman without my intervention. It was enough to know she was happy.

I also dreamed of Peter Poppins, the only guy in the world to put up with my shit complaining. I guess that’s what he was paid to do. Still, he did it with a smile. In my dream he was surrounded by dozens of beautiful women, somehow maintaining a different conversation with all of them. Confidence and charm poured out of him. As I watched him, I became him, and slowly the women disappeared until there was only me.

I dreamed of all my old friends. Friends from the police force, from college, even childhood friends, they were all there. I suspect they were all saying their goodbyes. I don’t remember much about them other than their passing faces morphing into each other.

Interspersed between these dreams were flashes of light and images of Jennifer. She wasn’t in her costume though, not in my ratty old clothes either. She was wearing normal clothes, a blouse and jeans. She looked much younger than she actually was.

I suspected that I was trapped in purgatory and feared that I would know no eternal rest.


But you don’t really care about any of that, do you?

When I awoke, Jennifer was at my side. Her left arm was in a sling. I had been in a coma for the last week. She told the hospital that she was my daughter, so they let her stay. It was sweet of her.

I did die, though. For six and a half minutes I was flat lined. I had actually been shot in four separate places, only one bullet hitting a vital artery (it missed my heart by centimeters). One other bullet stuck inside my stomach, one in my leg, and the last one, the ricochet, took my right ear with it. I’m still deaf in that ear.

I don’t remember being shot that many times, but the wounds don’t lie. Sandy was unscratched, thank god. The police showed up minutes after I emptied my gun. They shot the guy who broke Jennifer’s arm. I missed every single shot I took. At least I didn’t hit Jennifer.

There was a big media circus surrounding the whole event. Jennifer and her friends were all taken into custody. I don’t think they were charged with anything, I didn’t really keep up with what happened to those fucks. Once I came out of my coma, they corroborated their stories with mine. Internal Affairs had been investigating Kosloski and his friends for some time. The information that Jennifer’s friends had, along with the evidence I had linking Kosloski to Gurly, finally put him in the shit. And there was no getting out of it.

Long story short, he’s in prison, I lost my detective license as well as my gun license, and Jennifer is back in New York City. I still get letters from her. We keep in touch. She’s doing well.

So that’s the story, at least as well as I remember it. I’m sure you just going to focus on the gangsters and the costumed idiots, what little there was of them. I’m sorry I wasn’t more a part of that.

Yes, I still see Sandy. No, I haven’t talked to my daughter, but that’s not really any of your business so fuck you for asking. I offered to sell you the story of what happened those few days, not my entire life. As if your readers cared about a retired old fuck like me.

You’re just going to make up whatever fucking ending you want anyway.

REAL LIFE/REAL DEATH Chapter Nineteen

I've been sitting on this chapter for a while now. It's the penultimate chapter, and I am going to finish the final chapter next week. I've learned a lot in this little exercise and it will be a great relief when I'm finally done with it.

YOUTH, SEX, AND POWER

A hail of bullets criss-crossed around the room in all directions.

It was pretty late, but there were still a couple groups of people in the bar. I’m not sure where the extra people came from, but I was pretty drunk anyway, so that’s not really all that surprising. When I downed Koslowski, they made their presence known by opening fire in the sparsely populated bar. They were not cops, they were Gurly’s men.

As soon as I heard the gunfire I fell on Sandy, getting us quickly to the ground and covering her as much as possible. I wasn’t too sure, but I think everybody was shooting at me, though the gunfire continued even after I hit the ground. I was prepared to lay there for the rest of eternity.

Sandy screamed the entire time. I choked a little and coughed.

Amid the noise and chaos of the gunfight, I noticed that the room began filling up with smoke. It was emitting from a small grenade that had been dropped into the room at some point. At the precise moment I had become aware of this development, a pair of hands had grappled onto both me and Sandy and was dragging us across the floor to the open exit.

Sandy continued screaming. I joined her.

The unexpected pressure on my shoulders had lead me to the conclusion that I must have been shot. All the telltale signs were there, warm sticky fluid seeping into my clothes, numbness of the limb, and above all else, intense searing pain radiating throughout my entire body from the source point.

Once out of the bar area, the phantom hands continued to drag us across the marble floor until we were safely behind a large structure of modern art, or some such nonsense. I rolled over and propped myself up against the so called art and looked into the eyes of my savior, Jennifer. No, she was wearing her mask, she was Night Cat right now.

“Stop moving, you’ve been shot,” she ordered.

“I know,” I coughed. No blood in the cough thankfully, that’s a good thing.

The gunfire stopped. I looked to my right and saw Sandy huddled into as tight a ball as she could be. One of the other kids was there too, Captain Kick was his name.

Just then, I noticed that the gunfire had stopped, though there were still sounds of a struggle coming from the bar. Then, signaling the end of the struggle, a single gunshot pierced the empty hotel lobby. The hollow explosion echoed down the hallways and up the walls like a specter trying to escape a life of torment. The ringing echo continued for an eternity.

Then there was a silence.

I ruined the status quo by violently coughing, announcing very loudly to anyone who might be listening just exactly where I was.

Night Cat tensed up. She was crouched next to me, completely obscured by the stone slab we were using as shelter, but she wasn’t hiding. She was poised, staring intently at some point in space just beyond the edge of the obscuring wall. Her left hand rested gently on the stone protector, her right hand on the floor. Her fingertips were suctioned to the surfaces like an Olympic runner about to launch into a mad dash. The muscles in her legs rippled through the skintight clothes. She was beautiful. For the first time since I met her, I admitted that she awakened old feelings deep inside me that were better left buried and numb. Despite being in the middle of a violent gunfight, time was polite enough to freeze these few moments for me, so that I could really see this girl for the first time as she truly was. I looked at her for so long, I felt I should have been ashamed. And even though this girl exuded youth, sex, and power from every pore of her body, all I could seem to think about was my daughter. If you didn’t think it by now, that’s sure to convince you how fucked up I am.

Time kicked back into high gear. For a fraction of a second, the beginnings of a shadow crept around the side of the stone pillar. Then she was gone.

She dashed around the corner in a low crouch. First I heard the gunshot, then the piercing scream that drowned out the sounds of an electric tazer connecting to flesh. I poked my head around the corner to see what was happening just as a bullet ricochet off the marble, missing my face by inches. My eyes filled with tears, trying to expel the dust and marble shards that now blinded me. All I could hear was a distinct C Sharp tone, which drowned out the rest of the world. Despite all that, I had a clear image in my mind of exactly what I saw just prior to my blinding.

There was a man, presumably the owner of the aforementioned shadow, sprawled out on the floor just a few inches from me. Night Cat, in a full dash, was charging another man standing at the opening of the bar entrance. That man was aiming his pistol at her. The fist shot had missed and I wasn’t sure how many more were fired, having been blinded and deafened by it.

I processed all this information with the speed and consciousness it takes to blink. I rubbed my eyes red, stood up and rounded the corner of the stone pillar. My ears were still deaf from the ringing but my eyesight was returning. Amid the streaks of black and yellow light, I could see two distinct blotches, one red and the other gray. Furiously blinking my eyes in an effort to conjure up my vision, I tried to take a wide stance, but ended up leaning on the marble column. My left hand grappled my right wrist as I raised my gun, attempting to steady my aim.

I didn’t really know what I was doing, I couldn’t see, hear, or think. I was acting on impulse, and once I saw the red blotch fall to the ground, I emptied all the chambers in my Smith and Wesson.

Then I fell backward and blacked out.

REAL LIFE/REAL DEATH Chapter Eighteen

“HELP”

I tensed up, tried not to show it, briefly debated the merits of life in jail, and decided to just swallow my whiskey.

Koslowski sat down at the bar next to me and ordered a drink.

I said nothing.

After a few sips from his beer, he turned to me and said, “Ain’t you got nothin to say to me, Frank?”

I said nothing. I confess, when I’m drunk, I’m not much of a quick thinker. I’m impulsive, yes, but that’s not the same as being quick witted. Right now my impulses were telling to me to bite Koslowski in the jugular. It took all my thinking power to decide not to do that. Yet.

“You know,” he continued, “you’re a wanted man right now. You know you killed that guy back there? Every cop in town is looking for you.”

“So fucking arrest me.” I croaked.

“Do you see a badge? I’m off duty. Besides, that guy you killed, he was one of Gurly’s men. Gurly ain’t happy. He put the word out to the street--”

He left a tasteful pause before finishing his sentence, “—dead or alive.”

I was finding it harder to think by the second.

“So, which one’s it going to be?” I asked.

“Neither. I don’t give a shit about you, Frank. I’m interested in a much bigger prize, and I think you know where she is.”

“Fuck you.”

“Frank, you don’t get it. You’re fucked six ways to Sunday. Wanted by the Police and by Gurly. Every person in town is looking for you. Right now I’m the closest thing to a friend you got. Like I said, I’m not interested in you, but I am interested in something else. And I’m willing to help you out to get it. I’m offering you a deal here.”

“Are you deaf? Fuck you.”

“Do you understand what I’m fucking telling you? Before the night is over, you are either going to be in jail or at the bottom of a lake. But I’m here to give you a third option. You can be back in your shitty apartment sleeping off a hangover. I can fix things for you. Provided you help me out.”

I sucked the ice out of the bottom of my glass.

“I know she was with you. I know you met her friends here. I just need a room number. You can walk out that door right now, go home and get a good night sleep, and never think about this again. All you have to do is give me the number.”

Before I even thought about answering, I heard another familiar voice behind me. This time, the one I was expecting earlier.

“Frank, are you through yet? You know you’re not doing anyone any good by drinking. But I guess you don’t care much about that, do you?”

She was mad, go figure. She also hadn’t seen Koslowski, or maybe she didn’t recognize him. I dunno, but it was obvious she didn’t realize she was interrupting a conversation, one sided though it may have been.

But it didn’t matter, Koslowksi fucked it all up in no time.

First, he quietly said to me, “C’mon Frank, don’t make me threaten the girl.” Then he turned around and stood up. Sandy recognized him.

“Oh Jesus,” she whimpered.

Koslowski put on his official policeman’s voice, “Everything’s alright ma’am. I just need your cooperation. He grabbed her by the arm and said more sternly, “Tell me which room their in and nobody will get hurt.”

Those were the last words out of Koslowski’s mouth because I smashed my bar stool into the back of his fucking head.

Sandy and I ran out of the bar. I didn’t check to see if he was still breathing.

REAL LIFE/REAL DEATH Chapter Seventeen

"A FEW MORE"

The question tumbled out of my mouth.

“Did you just say, Koslowski?”

“You know him,” Super Citizen flatly said, glaring at me.

“Yeah, worked with him when I was on the force. Mother fucker’s been hounding me all week. I should have known he was up to something.” I confessed before spitting out a crass, “Fuck!”

I could tell a few of them were put off by my loud swearing. I don’t spend much time with groups of people in public and just got used to saying whatever thought came to my head. I guess that’s one of the things Sandy’s talking about when she says I need to get my head on straight.

But still. FUCK!

I don’t know why I even bother to get upset at myself, it’s all so fucking pointless. I knew Koslowski was a bad cop, but I guess I just didn’t believe (or perhaps didn’t WANT to believe) that he was actually mixed up in drug dealing. My head was hurting and I really needed a drink. Tension was high and I was fucking tired. These last few days have been the most stressful days of my recent life. They’ve also been the most sober, which comes as no surprise. I’m pretty sure stress and sobriety go hand in hand.

Thinking about how tired and sober I had become really began to piss me off. It was unfortunate then that there was a payphone downstairs in the bar.

“I’ll call Detective Ross,” I said, “he’s the guy you’re going to want to talk to.”

There was some arguing back and forth as I left the room, but I wasn’t really listening to any of it. I just wanted to make the call and get the hell out of there. I didn’t care what happened to anyone at that point. By the time I had got to the elevator, Sandy had come running out of the room.

“Frank, what’s wrong?” She asked, stepping into the elevator.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, “Once Ross gets over here I can finally go home and get some sleep.”

“What about everything that’s happened? What about that guy you shot?”

I continued to mumble. “Self defense. Whatever. I don’t care. I just want some fucking sleep.”

“Frank!” she shouted, successfully snapping me to attention, “if what you said up there is true, the Koslowski is looking for you. He knows something. You are in danger.”

“Probably.”

“Goddamnit FRANK!” she shouted just before the elevator doors clicked open.

Without hesitation I walked out of the elevator, pacing my way toward the phone. That must have pissed her off (I suspected it would) because she did not follow me out. Rather, she let the doors close behind me. Presumable she went back upstairs.

As I made my way to the phone, I felt the familiar approach of two lifelong acquaintances of mine: Self Loathing and Depression. I was going to call Ross, but not until after I’d gotten a few drinks in me. It’s the only way I can really have a conversation with someone anymore.

After a few whiskeys (I don’t remember exactly how many) I made the promised call to Ross. He did not answer. I left him a message, or sorts, apologizing for not waiting for him earlier, and telling him that I had some important information I needed to get to him right away. I would have told him to meet me at the hotel, but I couldn’t remember which one I was at. So I just hung up and had a few more whiskeys.

I downed the drinks pretty fast, I’m not one to waste time letting the alcohol settle, and waited for Sandy to come get me. I knew before long she would get worried and come yell at me for drinking, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything at this point. Jennifer was back with her friends, and as far as I was concerned, she was no longer my problem. The mystery had been solved; whatever mystery it was, I don’t think I was ever sure myself. My god I was stupid. I’d been running around the last two days trying to find the answer to a question I didn’t even know. And the answer was staring right in my fucking face the whole time. I should have just stayed in my car that night. I never should have gotten involved.

Just as I was in the throws of my own form of self flagellation, I finally heard a familiar voice behind me, saying very familiar words.

“Jesus Christ, I knew I’d find you in the bar.

But it wasn’t Sandy, like I was expecting.

It was Koslowski.

REAL LIFE/REAL DEATH Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

"IDIOTS"

The hotel room was full of idiots.

I guess that’s a harsh way of saying it, but I’m not a guy who wastes time trying to think of the perfect word to describe something. These people were fucking idiots.

The hotel room was actually pretty big; it had to be to hold all these people. It’s what they call a suite, I suppose. Whoever sprung for this room must have a lot of money to waste, and let me tell you, none of these idiots looked like they had any of that.

The Watchman, the guy that brought me and Sandy up to the room, he stood out the most. He must have been at least a good ten or twenty years older than everyone else. I’d place him in his forties. I guess he was kind of the unofficial leader of the group. He had a calm, but authoritative voice and a real procedural way about him, but not in a militaristic way, more like a boy scout leader.

The next one I noticed was Captain Kick. This kid looked ridiculous. He wore an all white shirt and pants, with red gloves, boots, and helmet. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he had a symbol on his chest; it was a white silhouette of the bottom of a shoe surrounded by red spray paint. He must have laid the paint on thick too, because it was splattered and dripping all over the front. The jackass looked like a used tampon.

The other two didn’t put near as much effort into their costumes. Pisces wasn’t even wearing a costume really, unless you consider looking like a ridiculous hippie with flowers in her hair a costume, which I do. And Ombre, was just wearing some battered old military BDU’s and a green tank top and ski mask. The kid looked like a criminal, but he was definitely in the best shape out of everyone here. He was probably ex military; he just carried himself that way.

There was another member of the team that was not present, Super Citizen. He was supposedly out getting more information. Jennifer didn’t like him, she said he never really talked to the group and never tried to make friends. I guess he took this thing seriously. That worried me.

“Detective Calico,” said Watchman interrupting my thoughts, “we seriously can’t thank you enough for protecting Night Cat the way you did. Everybody’s been on edge since the incident and we all assumed the worst.”

“Right, yeah well you know…” I’m not good when put on the spot and couldn’t think of anything eloquent to say. All that came out was, “you’re welcome.” I suppose that was polite enough though.

While Jennifer was talking with the rest of the team, Watchman took me aside to talk. I felt bad for Sandy, she was kind of keeping to herself.

“So, Night Cat tells me that you have a friend at the police force. Someone who can help us out?” He asked.

“Yeah. Well, maybe,” I said, “I was supposed to meet him tonight, but then things got fucked up. I don’t know if he’d really want to stick his neck out for me anymore?”

“Do you trust him?”

“Do I trust him?” I echoed.

“Yeah, is he trustworthy,” he repeated.

Do I trust Detective Ross? The same Detective Ross that got me fired and took my job?

“Without question,” I answered.

It’s true, Ross and I have a history, but I can’t really blame the guy for anything he did. He did what was right. I was in a bad place at the time. My wife and just left me and took our daughter with her. I’m not saying that excuses my action, I’m just saying it had broken me down. I was drinking pretty heavily, course I had been doing that for a while anyway, but now I was doing it on the job. We were investigating a double homicide. Wife and Husband had been killed, ten year old daughter was missing. Forensics had already swept the house, I had gone back to follow up on some new information. At least, that’s what I said, I guess I really just wanted to wallow in somebody else’s despair. I heard a scuffle behind me and fired my gun. It was the kid. She had been hiding in the neighborhood since the murder and came back for a toy. Thankfully, I was too drunk to shoot straight, but the shock nearly killed me. It was the last time I ever fired a gun(until today). Ross reported it, got me suspended, forced me into AA. I quit the force shortly after. I don’t hold a grudge. I know there was no malicious intent in Ross’s action, he genuinely wanted me to get help. He even made a few follow up visits after I quit the force, just to see how I was coming along. He was a good man, though, that’s for sure. I must have been a big disappointment to him.

“That’s great!” he exclaimed, “You see, we’ve got some information about the drug heist from the other night, but we need to be real careful with it. We’ve got a positive ID on the two parties involved, but we can’t go to the cops with it. I was thinking maybe the news channels.”

“Why can’t you go to the cops?” I asked, fearing I already knew the answer.

“Because the mother fucker selling the mother fucking drugs was a cop,” said a muffled voice from across the room.

I looked over to the door and saw a young man enter the room. He was wearing black slacks and a black button up silk shirt. A small black fedora completed the outfit.

Apparently, Super Citizen had arrived.

“Super Citizen,” questioned Watchman, “why aren’t you wearing your costume?”

“What, are you retarded? We’re in a five star hotel and are currently on the run from killers. I’d like to stand out as little as possible, thank you.”

Super Citizen looked like a guy that was perpetually pissed off. The guy had the appearance of someone who wanted to be classy, but I could tell it was an act. He spoke in a low, deliberate voice, like every sentence he spoke was a performance not part of a conversation. He had a thin, barely visible mustache, and his face was covered in pock marks. As my ex-wife would have said, “he had unfortunate skin.”

They say not to judge a book by its cover, but I didn’t like him. He looked like an ass and he wasn’t really doing anything to change my opinion of him.

“Who the fuck is this?” he growled, indicating me.

“This is Frank Calico. He’s a private detective and he saved Night Cat’s life. He’s going to get our information to a good cop,” explained Watchman.

“There’s no such thing as good cops,” he spat out.

“Look,” sighed Watchman, “I’m not going to have this conversation with you again. We need to get that information into the hands of the authorities. If what you say is true—“

“Course it’s true,” interrupted Super Citizen, “I recognized that mother fucker was a cop the instant I saw him that night, and I just double checked it out with my sources. Mother fuckers name is Koslowski. Some Polish prick.”

Shit, I tell you now, when I heard that name, I was much more surprised than I should have been.